Defencelessness - the story of his soul
Nico described him as the frailest seaman he ever met. His eyes tell stories of not wanting to live this life that had been chosen for him without his approval. Something in his body tells of sorrow, a mad roller-coaster of existence, a life where the dice fell inappropriately.
When he decides to share his heart's confidences with Nico, defencelessness is the story of his soul. It had been two months since he greeted all those he loves on a quay in the Philippines. Two months since he left behind all he knows. His heart is still there...
Two months later the seven months to be completed lurk like an impossible, never-ending eternity. He acknowledges that his thoughts often turn to making an end to it all. His thoughts drag him to a deep, dark place where you feel as if you are drowning, as if you are being swallowed whole, while all around you keep breathing.
But, he remembers the faces on the quay. The smiles, the good wishes. For them he is a husband, son, father, hero and hope. He will make the difference between a miserable demise and existence. He is their survival plan.
That is why he fights, determinedly, the tears that lie so close beneath the surface every day. That is why he is brave, determined – to be husband, father, son... He has to be the hero and hope.
In his misery he fights with God. He fights about this road, this cross. And in this particular moment when the bitter black waters threaten to swallow and drown him, Nico's visit is most appropriate. It is mercy. It is planned.
When he takes Nico's hands and pray with him, the togetherness in prayer brings a moment of calm. It represents a clear moment of hope, of courage.